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Yeah, that's right - I'm missing Dan. A lot. (All together now: *awww*) It's hard having him not only be gone, but to be unreachable. This is the first time in the history of "us" that we have not talked at least once a day. It's funny to me how missing him is such a tangible thing, in some ways. Almost like I could reach out and touch it. I really wonder if I'd survive without him, and I pray I never have to find out.
Ok, enough of that morbid thought. I'm just glad to have such an AMAZING best friend and husband that I do miss him so much. It's funny, because just 4 years ago, I was just starting to realize that I really liked spending time with my good friend Dan, but still I never dreamed in a million years that I'd end up being so in love with him. (again: *awwww*) Sorry if I made anyone gag, but most of you know our story, and you basically watched the whole thing happen, anyways. (even though we definitely pulled a fast one on some of you when we got engaged) Our 3 year anniversary is 2 weeks from tonight. It's been one heck of an awesome ride!
The boys have been keeping me going strong and fast all week, so I haven't had a whole lot of time to just sit and miss Dan. How thankful I am for those two kiddos. They are amazing. We had the Jr. High girls' Bible study at our house this morning and during the word of the day (Grace) Will heard someone mention Jesus and he chimed in with, "Jesus died on cross for me and live in my heart." When a girl asked him how Jesus could live in his heart Will said, "Say 'Please Jesus come in my heart, please'". Is that not awesome? There's not much that can compare to hearing my two year old share the gospel. Wow.
Something that I've been thinking on lately is how much I fail to truly trust God, to truly love Him and live for Him and just be all-out on fire for Him. Not in a crazy, emotional, roller-coaster way, but in a steady, crackling, blazing, bringing warmth to chase away the cold sort of way. Check out these lyrics and the verse that inspired them:

I was looking to myself
And I forgot the power of God
I was standing with a sparkler in my hand
While I stood so proud and profound
You came and burned this whole place down
Now that's a fire
(Sara Groves - Jeremiah)

"But if I say "I will not remember Him
Or speak anymore in His name,"
Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
And I am weary of holding it in,
And I cannot endure it."
- Jeremiah 20:9

Man, I miss out on so much when I fail to trust God hardcore. Not just because I don't get to see Him do so many cool things in my life, although that's part of it; no, I miss out on knowing Him in a much deeper, more intimate, more real and life-altering way. And I have no doubt that if I was opening up my heart to be more impacted by the consuming fire of my God (burning away the chaff and refining the gold), the lives of those I come into contact with would definitely feel the heat.

Enough of the sparklers - let's bring on the blaze!

Will is 2 years old today.  Wow, has it been that long?  Two years have passed since I gave birth to the squalling infant that would become a screaming baby that turned into a still-sometimes-screaming toddler who is one of the most amazing persons I have ever known.  That day changed my life forever, in a very big way.  More-so than anything else that has ever happened to me, apart from being given LIFE and eternity with Jesus.  Getting married was easy - getting to spend every day and night with my best friend took very little getting used to; we didn't have any of those huge first year adjustments you sometimes hear about.  That is, until 9 months after the wedding, when our son arrived.  Suddenly, gone were the hours spent reading at Starbucks.  Gone were the days of sleeping in, the nights of uninterrupted slumber, the ability to do whatever I want to, whenever I want to.  Skip Jr. High camp - are you serious???  Indeed, my life has changed.  God has used Will to humble me, to reveal to me the vast extent of my selfishness, to give me a deeper understanding of the superior vastness of His patience, love, and grace as my perfect Father, and to grow in me a love so fierce only a parent could understand.  In some ways it seems like the pre-parent Jamie existed in another lifetime, yet I cannot believe that my son is 2.  Each day I am frustrated by his stubbornness, enthralled with his cuteness, impressed with his cranial capabilities, and delighted to love (and be loved by) him.  Oh, how richly the LORD has blessed me!

Will opening gifts (notice the lovely Christmas wrapping)

The boys checking out the toys

Aiden going to town on the wrapping paper

I thank (and am thankful for) each of you who has impacted Will simply by knowing him and allowing him to know you.  Even though he may not always show it, he loves you guys, and I praise God that Will has such an incredible group of teens, college kids, and youth group workers pouring into him.  You guys rock.

So, "happy to you, Will."  I love ya, buddy.